80 days later the re-start is near
The last time I was involved in a game of some sort was on the 10th of March. Tomorrow, the German Frauen Bundesliga re-starts and it will have been the longest period without a game in a very long time. 80 days to be exact. If I would have thought about football all of this time I think I would have gone mad. Luckily my head was filled with a lot of other stuff. These are some of the thoughts, realisations and perhaps adjustments I’ve had between then and now:
It is lovely to spend time as a family. But eventually even a family need a bit of space from each other. But, the positives by far overrides the negatives. It can’t be a natural thing to have to send away your kids all day, almost every day, so that you can go to work. That can’t be how it was meant to be. At the same time, if you want to perform well on a pitch, it is not recommended to spend all day, every day with kids. Unless I can engage the kids is some mind calming activities, such as meditation and yoga. Wish me luck!
A lot of people seem to have struggled mentally during this time. And still do to this day. I think, that would I have been in my early twenties I would have had serious problems. To stop and to feel instead of running from one training to the next, would probably have been cause for a lot of tough feelings. In a way I think some bad thoughts and feelings that might surface for some right now might be a blessing if dealt with. Without having an education in how to deal with mental illness or going through emotions due to past experiences, I imagine that those emotions might have made their way through at a later point if pushed away now. That being said, I understand I am on the lucky end here as I had my family for support during this whole time while others have been forced to stay alone or together with people that are not healthy for one to be around, a situation that is still going on for many people in and around the world.
During the lockdown period me and Nathan spend every day together while Sabine and Timothy spend time with school work and work stuff. One grow very close to each other when having a lot of time together. In everyday kind of circumstances we go by without that time together and with missing out on that deep connection that me and Nathan got during this time. If and when it is time for daycare again I will try to use our time together in a better way, to remain on this level of connection, because that is what the kids deserve.
I will be okay without football one day. I see this period as a pre-test of when I decide to stop playing. It was nice to get this experience as it gave me a bit of insight into how it will be and what I might need to do to be fully prepared for when that day comes. It is not time yet, that I can tell you. (Psst! Did I tell you I secured my near future? Don’t tell anyone yet!)
Screens are preventing creative things to happen. We have so much to do at home, board games, toys, arts and crafts and sports equipment. But when a screen is turned on, it overrides everything. The one who can find a good screen balance in life, wins. Because I also love phones and computers. It offers so many opportunities, but there’s more to life.
I love walks. With every day it feels like a crave long walks more and more. I long for the day when our boys are old enough to enjoy them with me. That day we might have a dog as well and we will explore our world by foot. The problem now is that I don’t find the time to go for long nature hikes as it always have to fit in-between snack time, toilet time or recovery time.
I need to make time for friends and family. They deserve to be seen and I need to call more often. I don’t like talking on the phone so much but when it makes someone happy it is actually worth while. And if that is our only means of building our relationship, then it is down to me to do it. We need to look after each other. We need to ask how people are, as I found out too late that people that I know really had been struggling. Sending a text here and there could go a long way. In fact, stop reading right now and send someone a text. That might mean the world to them.
I need time to build something that can help me in the future. If I want to have a steady income that can substitute what I’ve earned as a footballer I need to create something. It is time I really give myself a chance to find out what I bring to the table and where I can create value for others. The day I no longer have an income as a player something else have to come into action. Good stuff takes time and time is of the essence as I know I can not play forever.
I am quite content with spending all of my time with my family. Yes, I previously stated we sometimes need a break from each other, but that break for me is preferably filled alone. Being in lockdown has taken away all my stresses of trying to be a social person. There’s no needs and no expectations. It has been totally okay to just stay home and I love it. That being said, I do dream of owning a house where the door is open for friends to swing by for a chat. Open door policy and come as you are. Chilled and without stress.
As you can tell, football wasn’t really on my mind at all. It has taken a bit of adjustment to get back into that mindset but now I have found the right focus again. I look forward to the re-start. It is all to play for and a long break like this means no-one really knows anything about anyone right now. All I wish for tomorrow is a good 90 minutes of football, a good start from us and that everyone involved in making this first round happen will stay health. That is the most important thing in all of this. The game tomorrow will be broadcasted here.
Until next time, stay safe and healthy.
