Too shy for why?

Why am I doing this?

You might wonder why I all of a sudden started writing. Or maybe you couldn’t give a rats ass but I imagine that my why is a good foundation to kick this stuff off with, so you know my intentions.

Yes, I wrote something about how corona times could be the start of new things in my previous post, but I am not satisfied with that as as an answer to my true why. Why am I actually doing this? These reasons behind stuff are very important pieces of the cake, especially when things get rough. Why am I doing this? So, let me think out loud (in writing). I will list a few things that pops up in my head:

- I want to help people.

Maybe some stuff I share will help someone through something. Maybe I can communicate a feeling of how we are quite alike and that we think similar stuff. Most people are very similar in so many ways. I certainly hope we are. It might go the complete other way and it turns out I am the one alone with weird stuff. But I am ready to take a risk and see. Come along if you are brave enough?

- I want people to get to know me and I want to know what you want to know about me.

Yes, the real me. I want people to actually know me fully. That some people live to tell my whole tale and not only parts of it. I want to leave my legacy and I want to write it. Sabine is probably the one who knows me best but as some of you know the partner doesn’t always understand everything about you and there were also many years of my life to cover before we met. I have thought about writing a book and I guess this is a way of also knowing what would be interesting to write about, what does people want to know?

- I want to connect with people.

I crave human connection. To a great degree I get this from my family, so I guess I am just a bit greedy and want more. What I think I am missing here is friendship that is covering deep stuff and every-day-stuff (other than my wife and possibly parents). Here I only have myself to blame as I am totally not interested in every day kind of stuff, where foundations of relationships build, so I rarely let the every-day kind of people in on my journey and nor do they let me in. I am in need of talking to people that wants to cut to the chase and move quickly through the trust process. Maybe I will figure this out one day, but for now I will just leave this as an open question. Also, I want to connect with you but in a safe space. It scares me when people come too close, especially in a physical way.

- I want to be honest and authentic.

When so much in our world are fake news, I take pride in standing for authenticity. I imagine this being a place where I can be the most authentic, or shall I maybe say revealing. It is sometimes hard to be totally revealing in other arenas, but here I would like to keep it as real as possible. I obviously will not be so open and honest that I reveal private stuff about anyone else but myself or hurt anyones feelings, but I want to be known as someone that is real rather than fake. So, I want to try.

- I want to write. I want to create and produce and finish stuff.

I like writing. Yeah, simple as that. I guess it has to do with the need of creating stuff. So, each blog post is a creation and it makes me feel good feelings. Like I accomplished something. It might also be a disguised need of performing or something. Not at all claiming these posts are a great performance, but you get the trail of thought, don’t you? Since I’ve also thought of writing a book, I need to practice to see if I can do it myself one day.

- I want to get things out of my head.

If you turn out to be a returning reader you will probably see a pattern of how my brain works. Bare with me. I will try not to add too many twists and turns. I will try to stick to one (or a few) subjects in one post. I will try!

- I want to tell the whole story. 

I’ve always imagined that my life will be told as a story at some point. It turns out I have a huge ego that wants to be recognised as one of the best goalkeepers ever, so therefor someone have to cover the whole story. My ego has however gotten a few reality checks and I am afraid the only thing on my story will be those two penalty shoot-outs. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be remembered on the big stage, as the big stage never really happened to me as it seem to happen to other people (note to self: another blog post).

- I want to see where the process takes us.

You will find that these posts rarely are the end result of anything. It is not me presenting the results of studies or telling you how it is. They are all part of some process. There will be twists and turns. It will fly high and low, a bit left, right and center. Hope you enjoy taking the ride of my life, including our joint experiences of course.

- I want to be seen and I want you to come back.

All we do is for selfish reasons. I guess the underlying feeling of all the above is to be seen and appreciated.

Now, as I want this to be a two or more-way communication type thing I would really appreciate if you left a comment with why you are here?