Too jealous to get the message?

Not sure, but think this pic is from Bildbyrån.se

Jealousy. Where to start.

OMG have I felt jealous throughout my life. Such a strong emotion. Nowadays I don’t feel it so much and I am happy for it, because it is not a very flattering emotion. It is not on the same end of the scale as these joyful, love spreading feelings such as empathy and happiness. Jealousy is right there at the other end and it doesn’t make you look very attractive, does it?

But hands down, I have been very jealous. Once I wrote a blog post about some stuff that made me very jealous. I uploaded it and Sabine told me very direct to take it down directly. She was probably right but even then I felt the need to be honest and deal with strong emotions through the written word.

Once I went to a lecture with Kay Pollak. It was such a wonderful experience. It truly shook my life to the core and I started applying his ideas on most situations. I am very impressionable. I’ve always been quite naive and easy to talk into things. It is a blessing and a curse. A bit hard to keep focus sometimes, but very exciting too. I am very open for new ideas and new things come my way a lot. But, sometimes I’ve lacked the commitment to stay with stuff for a longer period of time to see result of the labour. Football is my only red thread in my life, and some of my old relationships, most other things have changed and is constantly changing.

Anyway, back to Kay Pollak. He said that all the people you meet are sent to you to teach you something about yourself. So, if feeling jealous or angry towards someone you need to keep asking yourself what message is sent to yourself right now. What am I supposed to learn about myself right now?

Today I felt a bit jealous again. And it would be so nice to just blame it on the person that triggered you to feel something. But in reality, that person is just a messenger. What is the message you need to listen to? What is it within yourself that is not being heard? Healed? Oh, so annoying. I have to work with my inner self again. If I am feeling lazy I just stay in the jealousy and if I am really in a bad place I need to do what I can to get rid of it so I share it with someone else, but in the worst possible way. “This person, I don’t like…” No. Stop. What is this message I have to deal with?

So, what was it that triggered me?

I saw a video about a player that is from the new generation of footballers. I started thinking about what this person did and how could’ve done it too. Why didn’t I? Why do all of these youngsters get so many opportunities that we never had. Jealousy creeping in. What is this all about? What is it in me that is not being seen right now?

Well, I think I have some stuff that I need to say good-bye to. I started this journey a long time ago. I thought I would have a real cool car, be famous and be able to sell products based on my name. That was my idea of what football life would be. I do have a quite cool car now. At age 37, playing for Wolfsburg. Now it is not really perfect in line with my core values any longer, as my concern for the environment would have me choose my scooter rather than the car (unless it is rainy and windy, then the ego kicks in and takes over). And now in Corona-times I do take the car a bit more, to be honest. Any way, you get my point.

To be known. These young kids with half my experience are way more known than me. What-the-actual-****! I’ve worked so hard and I am not in peoples minds? Or maybe I am? And actually, the longer I’ve lived I’ve come to appreciate the anonymity and I would much prefer to be the owner and the person behind the spokes person. So, no, I actually don’t even want that any longer. Hence why I threw out the shallow strategy. I’d rather have few but true people hanging with me. Fist-bump.

Selling products. That one I haven’t given up on. The only problem with that is that I don’t really believe in selling products any longer either! I need to find need to have products in that case as I don’t really want to be part of what is causing our future generations to die a horrible death on an unlivable planet. So, there you go. So, what am I actually jealous for? I need to figure it out and I need to text my friend that helps me figure these things out. One thing I have realised lately is that in order for me to function to the best of my abilities it is time to make some changes for the better. Starting with mourning what did not happen, because after rain some good stuff always show up.

Any jealousy of your own you’d like to put on the table? Go ahead, dive right in! Maybe you are jealous of me?

And here is a little video with Kay Pollak. Check it out, he is quite the character. And then, tell me something about the messages you’ve been sent lately. Ciao!